Introspection

My investment in this city makes moving on such a heartbreak. I am so jazzed that I have the opportunity to travel to Kenya for this internship but the reality of it all is internally devastating. How can I voluntarily give up the life that has facilitated such accomplishment and heightened life value? I anticipate daydreaming just to spend time with the people I am going to miss. I fret over the future missed life experiences with those that have made the past few years an absolute wonderland.  My life is you all - You give me infinite reasons to smile. Saying good-bye is scary and the "what-ifs" and "maybes" run my thoughts some days. I wonder what my life would be like if I didn't go. Then I remember how I got here, how I was able to obtain this position and realize the chance I would be giving up - There is no way I do not go (sorry Mom and Dad).

The best counter to these preoccupying thoughts are the images I have of the life I will be living abroad. Carolyn Edlebeck, my friend from Waupaca, WI who is in Uganda for a year, wrote to me last week detailing her days outside of work.

"I read when I want, do word-finds, study for the GRE, take naps, talk on the front porch, walk down the dirt road to one of the few refrigerators in town to buy a cold bottled soda (when the electricity is on), and I just enjoy BEING." 

I look forward to this change the most. I look forward to leaving behind the hustle of American culture; the crazy flip-flop of priorities, favoring productive work over taking time for relationships and self. My Minneapolis expiration date has been set and I will leave behind so much of my heart. You can guarantee I will be back to collect those pieces and re-place them among new additions.

Now, I face a long road leading up to this journey. Financial support is not available from the Human Rights Commission. I am funding my own trip and have struggled to find scholarships for my specific situation; graduated student in an independent internship. I am hoping to gain support and emotional investment from local stakeholders. I know if I share my story thus far with others they will feel the passion from my words and understand this is the next step and a really great leap forward for myself and whatever work I am invested in.

Working hard to gain support and get there will make stepping off of the airplane a monumental moment in this journey. Knowing that I made it. I look forward to that moment, especially knowing the flight is lengthy =).